Got a moon above me...

I have an Englishman teacher. It's very cool. I can surely hear the difference between Irish and English accents. There are some things on TV that I couldn't really tell before, but now it seems so obvious. Anyway he seems cool. He's teaching Roman literature. And today he was talking about the Greek influences on the Roman theater. I didn't know that most of southern Italy was part of Greece. I knew Sicily was, but not Naples. Seems rather far north. But anyway we're going to be reading Cicero, Catullus, and Plautus. Exciting.

Trad is down in south campus--the most southern building on campus--and right after it on Tuesdays I have Sociology in north campus. It's a bit far, definitely doable in ten minutes if you're on a mission. The probably is that you have some teachers that start their classes at five past the hour and so let class out at five til, whereas other teacher begin on the hour and let you out at ten til. It's rather frustrating that not even the time when lectures begin is uniform across the faculty. So anyway, Trad man still wasn't done at five til, so I just left. And I wasn't really late to Sociology I don't think. She hadn't started yet anyway, but I don't know if that was just for the first day or what. That's the only minor stress to be had on Tuesdays.

The woman who teaches Sociology seems to think that she needs to yell no matter where she's standing on the stage. This is a huge class--400 kids or something crazy--so she had microphones on her pulpit. She shouts into them for two hours. She shushes people. And she demands that if you're going to leave in the middle of the class you go down to the front and ask her permission before leaving. Because that's somehow less distracting than if they just leave. It was kind of ridiculous. She's also going to make us site sources in our exam. I think that's completely mad because we aren't going to have sources to site during the exam--we just have memorize authors and the years of the publications. Wasting my brain space.

The not-Mr. Desmond Classics teacher I was ragging on yesterday, the one who tells us what notes to take, is patronizing. He also repeats things for effect that aren't going to have any effect. "You speak Greek everyday." No we don't. Quit saying that. Knowing etymology and speaking a completely different language aren't the same things.

I'm going to become very familiar with the library in the next few months 'cause I'm not buying any books. I refuse. Unless I can find cheap used copies. That's a different story.

Adrianna sent me some of everything that is wonderful including tequila, beef jerky, lead, and jarritos. Best friend ever. She had the title before, it's just been reinforced. Again.

First day again

Hallelujah. Give me something to do with myself.

8am is quite early. I almost forgot to change my alarm time too. That would have been bad. Irish Traditional music will be interesting I think. I hope. The teacher was fine. He didn't really bother me, but he wasn't fantastic or anything. We have to write an essay. That sucks. It's nice to walk down there in the morning though--it's not quite light out and the campus is still pretty dead. It was freaking cold today though.

I really, sincerely hate being told what to do. Even stupid little things. Even when I know the person telling me what to do is someone I should listen to. Rise of Athens man is a little too involved in my note taking. There's a difference between pointing things out on handouts that we should know. That's fine. That's his job right? But standing up there and telling us things to circle or telling us to literally write "you are here" next to a time period raises my blood pressure a bit. He also seemed like he had something to prove. He kept saying "I am not William Desmond." William Desmond is the head of the Classics department and teaches most of the modules for the course. And apparently newbs think this guy is him. His name is Ciernan something. I didn't care to commit it to memory today. I'm just spiteful though. I didn't do anything he said. I'm not buying the book, I'm not writing stupid shit on my handouts, and if I ever have to ask him something I'm going to call him Mr. Desmond.

Counterpoint man is brilliant though. He's super nice. He did make us sing, but all together so it was okay--still had a minor heart attack though. I need to get some staff paper and more pencils. Apparently most of the class is writing which is freaking awesome. He didn't give me shit for being American though. We had to rewrite this chunk of Renaissance music with bar lines. They didn't use bar lines back then. But then, all the notes were worth twice as much. And all the notes have different names here. We were working in groups, and the two other people in my group weren't helping me out. I don't know if there were just really adverse to speaking or if they just thought I was an idiot, but they kind of just looked at me. That's really annoying too. C'mon people...anyways I just had to ask him, and it was perfect because he studied organ performance in Kentucky for a year of college and knew what all the American versions of things were. The history teacher didn't care at all. She was like, write me note that you're an American and just call things what you normally would. Yeah, that's why people go to other countries for school--to be special for doing things the same way they would at home.

It was a good day though.

Like chasing clouds

I hate Ulysses. I can't read it in one go. It's Dostoevsky time again. Thank God.

I will tell the night

I have six classes this time around: Rise of Athens, Fall of Rome, Literature and Society in the Roman Republic, Traditional Irish music, Renaissance Counterpoint, and "Thinking Sociologically." It's going to be a lot to remember, but I've lots of time. It all starts 9am Monday.

I got my rent thing figured out. I had to ask four different people how to get to the accounts office. It's in a building I've never been in which is more like a house than anything else. The accounts office is a closet with a big glass wall with holes in it. It was strange. People are nice. Susan only said two sentences to me, so I still don't know if she's nice or not, and that's how I want it. The Classics teacher/department chair is very nice. He remembered my name. I don't know from where because it's not like we had any assignments. Oh Niamh=Neev=apartment manager. mh makes a v sound. Irish names are cool.

Those liquified carrots are gone now. They actually didn't even smell that horribly.

Halfway

Tomorrow I have to go to the Iontas building at 2pm because all the department chairs are going to be there signing off on classes for occasional students. And before that, maybe after, I have to go over to the residence office and pay my rent. I got locked out of the apartment today. I sent the residence office an email a week ago asking for a link to the correct place to pay online because Susan wasn't happy with me when I paid fees last time, and she never responded because their emails are backlogged. Stupid shitty system. It's bullshit really. Neave in the apartment office is nice to me now though, so she activated my key card for a week. So, I have to go talk to Susan in person. Exactly what I didn't want to do.

Even though Neave is nice to me I'm still scared of her. I legitimately started stuttering when I was talking to her today. Well I was having a mini heart attack anyway because I was locked out and I didn't know what she was going to do, but still. It was a weird feeling.

It was raining too. Real rain though--soaked in a minute kind of rain. It was brilliant. And it wasn't even that cold. So ready for Spring.

Morning is mocking me

Here's a good quote from Ulysses: "Shakespeare is the happy huntingground for all minds that have lost their balance." Joyce smashes a lot of words together like that.

Campus is dead again. It's still insane to me that we haven't started second term yet. The quarter system is the way to go.

Maintenance man came in yesterday and replaced my bathroom light. It was a bit odd. He was nice. I didn't know he was here though because you can't hear the doorbell if you're in the kitchen. I was doing dishes and I just hear someone saying "hello?" in the hallway. My room wasn't in too much of a state though.

I've watched quite a few movies the last few days. I regret watching Never Been Kissed again. I hadn't seen it since it was new, and that was probably the only time I should have seen it. And then I watched Hugh Grant on Inside the Actor's studio which led me to watch Notting Hill, Four Weddings and Funeral, and Sense and Sensibility. All foofy movies. I know. Last night was Girl with a Pearl Earring though. I didn't know that Colin Firth was in it. We all read the book, and I remember Whit wanted Mom and I to watch it with her but we never did. Or maybe they did and I just didn't. Anyway, I normally don't like movies made from books, but Colin Firth is one of the most attractive Englishmen to ever be on film. And yeah, I even fancy him with long scraggly hair. Pride and Prejudice might be tonight's viewing.

I'm not buying lettuce here anymore. Waste of money. Cabbage all the way.

I think I'm going to buy my ticket home next month. They tell us not to until we know when our last final is, but we don't find out when that is until finals are almost starting. I don't know though. Tuesday two weeks before is the best time to buy right? That makes me nervous.

Life is like a song

I've been unbearably boring the last few days. I watched Whale Wars on the Discovery channel. Bear Grylls today. Myth Busters seems to have its own channel. Lie to Me is interesting.

I finished The God of Small Things this morning. I really like it. One of those completely dissatisfying ones about injustice and society that just make me really sad and angry. It's Arundhati Roy's only novel so far. She's Indian and the book takes place in India and really it's about "the laws that lay down who should be loved, and how" but there's the caste system and Communism all worked into it and it's brilliant.
Now I have to decide if I want to finish Ulysses, or start Notes from Underground (Dostoevsky) next. Or I could reread the Hobbit. That's never a bad choice.

I learned all the words to At Last the day after I first heard my grandma sing it at the pig roast. Etta James and her music will always remind me of my family and why I love music the way that I do.

Commence

It was a pretty day. Highlight of the day: roasted broccoli. I'm going to do that a lot more often.

Nobody better die in the snow!

Feels so good to be so dumb

I'm done! It was a bit tougher than I thought. Also, I mixed up Eurycleia and Anticleia...I should have been expecting that. No two other characters have names so similar. Oh well. I believe I passed.

I walked to Tesco with Madison and Katie. It was harder than normal to engage in conversation--not only because I was sleepy and therefore not paying must attention to them, but also because you can't really walk three people abreast on a tiny Irish sidewalk. They probably think I'm dumb or something. The unintelligent kind. I don't care though. There's some Abraham Lincoln quote for this situation...“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.”Ta da, ta da. It's a good one. Anyways, I've been feeling like scurvy is going to get me. I haven't eaten a fruit in probably two months. Now, I know that vitamin C doesn't solely exist in fruits, and that scurvy is just a silly pirate sickness anymore, but I bought two cans of peaches and a tub of Greek yogurt to alleviate my fears. I don't think Greek yogurt has vitamin C, but it is with Greek yogurt that I eat peaches. I also bought a bundle of lemons because I love them. All those four things for under 6 Euro. Fuck yeah. I'm turning frugal--not miserly.

When I returned to the apartment I kind of went on autopilot for a while. I took out the trash--again forgetting the increasingly liquefied carrots under the counter that, presumably, none other has discovered, unless she is simply avoiding them like I am--checked my email of which there was none because it was like four in the morning at home, checked my fines which still exist but as of yet remain un-payable, perused the internet for pictures of colorful and far-away places I will forever be in debt for venturing to, and finally laying on my lumpy bed to read. The last move was the bad one. I did make it a whole thirty page chapter before pulling the covers over myself. And then I fell to napping (I like the phrase "fell to" anything. It's not really your intention, or fault). Kind of like those pictures of me when I was a kid--book on my face to make it dark. This book is too new to smell good.

An hour later it was dusk and didn't hurt to keep my eyes open, so I've been awake and functioning with full awareness since then. It's 3am here, even though this post is going to say that it's 11:59pm yesterday. That's my bit of OCD. If any post ever says 11:59pm it was really written somewhere past one in the morning. But, if I say that, then it's going to say that this was posted on Tuesday when I really feel like Monday isn't over until either I'm asleep or the sun has come up. So, it's all a lie basically. Anyway, earlier today I was zombie tired, and now I'm silly dramatic tired. Silly dramatic tired is a good place to be. It's when you're not quite tired enough to quit. Anyway, Madison made mac and cheese kind of. I think when you make mac and cheese yourself without the help of a box it should be baked. Otherwise it's kind of just pasta. Which I guess is what the stuff in the box is...hmmmm I'm torn now. Either way the baked stuff is better. Madison told me that they'd failed at making mac and cheese twice before tonight. I don't see how that's possible. They did it again tonight and I thought it was extremely edible, but cheese is different here. There's no such thing as cheddar, and that's what they want. They are going to fail every single time with those expectations.

I hard boiled a bunch of eggs. I always forget about hard boiled eggs. Easiest thing in the world to make, take an hour to peel it, slather it in Tapatio and there's some protein and sodium for you. Irish college students don't eat meat. It's so weird. If you go eat at a pub it's a sausage fest and everyone's so proud of Irish Beef, but my roommates survive on microwave-ables, pre-made shit you throw in the oven, pre-sliced water logged lunch meat (they don't call it lunch meat, they call it something far less logical that I can't remember right now), and noddles with sauce from a can thrown on top. They say I'm fancy every time I cut an onion. I've been told a few times when I throw garlic in a pan it "smells like home." Smells like my home too, that's why I'm doing it. Meat is expensive though. But there are always sales so there's no excuse. Nobody is a vegetarian either thank God.

Oh yeah! We're supposed to have "hot water hours" in here. Madison and Katie did/do. Three spaced out hours during the day we're supposed to have hot water unless we push the "boost" button in the closet. I always have hot water though. So not complaining since I take lots of witching hour showers. I think that's crazy though. This apartment is feckin expensive and nothing even works. They don't make you pay a deposit in case you break something--they know that something is going to break whether you're there or not. I'm disgusted.

Madison is going to the Canary islands. Another place you can see Africa. I'm a bit jealous. It's just a bunch of resort islands though--so only the slightest bit jealous. Someday I'll go to Africa. I don't know when I'll ever have an business there, but before I die...I guess I do have a bucket list. I really want to go to India now too. It's so intimidating though. This book I'm reading takes place in India. It's a very aggravating book.

Okay I'm done. Happy MLK day. They don't have cool holidays like that here.

Night has always pushed up day

This may not be terribly entertaining to you people, but it's terribly exciting to me. This is what five o'clock looks like now. A few weeks ago it was pitch dark by 4:30.

Nothing but studying all day:
Olympian gods (14): 6 older, 8 younger
Zeus/Jupiter: sky god, weather, law and order, morality
Poseidon/Neptune: god of sea, water, horses, eathquakes
Hades/Pluto: Underworld, the dead, wealth
Hera/Juno: marriage, childbirth
Hestia/Vesta: the hearth, family life
Demeter/Ceres: agriculture, marriage, law
Ares/Mars: chaotic war, slaughter
Athena/Minerva: disciplined war, wisdom, crafts
Apollo/Apollo: sun, music, prophesy, archery, medicine
Artemis/Diana: moon, hunting
Hephaestis/Vulcan: metal working
Aphrodite/Venus: love, beauty, fertility
Dionysus/Bacchus: vine, enthusiasm, prophesy, ecstasy
Hermes/Mercury: messenger god, liminal spaces
The Greek names are so much better.
Heracles 12 Labors:
1. kill the Nemian Lion
2. kill the Lymaean Hydra
3. catch the Cyrneian Hind
4. capture the Erymanthian Boar
5. clean the Augean stables
6. kill the Stymphalion birds
7. capture the Cretan Bull
8. capture the man-eating mares of Diomedes
9. "retrieve" the girdle of Hippolyta
10. capture the cattle of Geryon
11. retrieve the Apples of the Hesperides
12. "Fetch the Hound of Hell": bring Cerberus out of the underworld.
He does them all, no problem because he's a hero.

Anyways, there are three more pages of identifications like this--the succession myth of the Greek gods (Chaos-->elemental forces-->Titans-->Olympians, and humanity mixed in there somewhere), summarize Trojan war, mythical episodes in the Odyssey, outline the Odyssey, identify all the characters in the Odyssey, identify all the people trying to keep Odysseus from home, on and on and on.

At 11am this exam will be over (starts at 9:30) and then I'm done. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself for two weeks here in Maynooth. Probably read a lot and watch movies and explore the Carton Estate.

Here

Silly thing that annoys me: when people tell you that you're lucky when whatever it is they're talking about has nothing to do with luck. This morning Madison said I was lucky that I only had one final left. How is that luck? I had three more before this. Somebody told me I was lucky that I got to come here. It's not luck, it's getting decent grades and making a decision. And then it's also annoying when people get super deep and they're like you're lucky because of where you were born. As if everything you do suddenly means less.

I started messing around with picture editing today. It's pretty addicting. So is Pinterest.

Tomorrow is legitimately going to be a study day.

Macaroni and cheese sounds so good right now.

Oh yeah a clothes horse is just a drying rack for clothes.

The good life is ever changing

Yesterday was a Dublin day. I was on a mission too--not just the normal wandering around. I went to the Chester Beatty Library. I got off the bus (they raised the bus fare by 35 cents) at the Ha'Penny Bridge, crossed it, went through this really cool arch that I never went through before which takes you to this tiny street which looks like the Irish version of something out of a Dicken's novel--little eccentric clothes stores and food stalls with banners and flags hanging overhead--then you're in Temple Bar district. And then you're at Dame street. And then I passed by the entrance to the castle and the library twice before I gave in and crossed the street where the sign told me to. It just didn't look like anything over there. There's this great big huge gate that says "Dublin Castle Pedestrian Entrance" but there's no castle in sight. But this library is on the same grounds as the castle, so I walked through the smaller, person sized gap in the brick and there's a big parking lot with a small cathedral and a castle-looking round tower and a small square to the right. So I guess the story is that the government building that is now there is where the original Dublin castle was.
I went into the church. It's really pretty. Most of the stained glass is of coats of arms, and only the bit above the alter has religious scenes. There was nobody in there so I got to gawk and take pictures and just enjoy the silence as much as I wanted to.
To get to the library you have to go through another arch in this brick wall that leads to a field. There's a sign that says "No dogs No football on grass." It's a really nice park. There's a fountain over to one side, some old castle-y looking wall on the other. And then there's the library.
The "art book" display room is on the first floor and that's where I spent 100 of the 120 minutes I was there. It's not even that big of a room, but it's awesome. Chester Beatty was a book collector and he wasn't just interested in rare books or old books or certain genres or regional books. He seems to have something from everywhere. There is a page from The Book of the Dead, five copies of the Qur'an (on display--apparently he had way more), Chinese jade tablets, Japanese scrolls, etchings by Goya, Thai woodblocks. There were displays of how book binding has changed over the centuries--in Ethiopia they were in satchels, and the Parisian ones were really ornate. I thought it was really awesome. It was kind of random, but there was also this samurai armor and sword display.
The temporary exhibit right now is photography from a Scottish man who went all around China taking pictures of people in the 1870s. That was really cool. The photographs were so clear and big and all the descriptions were actually interesting instead of just giving a place and year.

I had a grand time.

I will miss Irish sunsets.

I'm not going anywhere next week. There was an issue with when my "program" is supposed to begin. Instead of saying that I'm here for a full academic year, I'm basically signed up for two separate semesters--as if I were just a first term student who doesn't have to stick around for exams, and then decided to come back. If this were the case, I wouldn't need to be here until orientation on the 25th. Which means that my financial aid wouldn't be disbursed until after that. Which means I'm kind of broke until then, unless Dawn at the registrars office can fix it for me, which she's trying to do, but those bastards at financial aid were unavailable when I was on the phone with her. We'll see I guess. I shant starve, don't worry. I've got lots of food still. My cabin fever might just be perpetuated.

I made baby lemon bars in jars today. I had a lemon that was getting soft, and a lemon bar is one of my favorite things in the world.
Pumpkin pie will be my next attempt at baking.

Oh yeah I finished that book. This one I read fast because I wanted to get it over with. I think it was stupid. Anne Tyler only gets one more shot. Although, some critic said this was "her best book yet!" We'll see...
Anyways now I'm on to The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy. It's another English one, and so far much better.

Oh yeah again: I've been here for four months. Almost half way.

My purpose holds

The poetry final wasn't really about poetry. We had to write two essays and we got to chose out prompts. The first one I chose was discuss the value of historical interpretation. What does it mean for something to be "timeless?" And the second one I chose was: Does it matter if a poet is a man or a woman? Answer using the work of one of poets discussed in class. And at the top of the page it said that we should "demonstrate some attention to the matters of poetic form discussed in the early part of the module." So...talk about things that aren't very poetic, and then just throw some poetry terms in there and relate them to the non poetry. It was weird. I didn't write too much for the first one 'cause I just felt like I was repeating myself and basing my argument on a million examples. I'm confident I will get more than half credit though, which is a passing grade.

Nothing until Monday now. That one I totally know what to expect too--part short answers and identifications, part "passages for brief comment," and one essay. 90 minutes. Not going to be too bad.

And after that I'll be off to France. Paris. And hopefully Versailles, and maybe even Marseille to say hey to the Mediterranean. I'm not sure yet. The plan has not been ratified in my head. As soon as I have some money to spend I'll see what's possible. All of these French trains say that you have to make reservations. Probably because they are high speed ones. Might just hang out in Paris for a week. Not bad at all.

I don't really like the book I'm reading. The mid-life crisis thing just isn't do it for me right now. Hopefully I'll finish it tomorrow so I can move on.

Oh yeah Nate left a bunch of stuff in his room, and Madison didn't want some of it. So, I now have a really big clothes horse. I can do more laundry at a time now. This is good. I also have more noodles. I completely forgot about those nasty carrots though...haha maybe Madison will find them and take them out.

Start over

That exam wasn't bad, very straight forward, easy.
I haven't been able to study for Poetry really. I don't know what to expect at all. It is two hours though so we probably have an essay to write somewhere in there. I would be really happy with that actually. You can say pretty much anything in an essay about poetry as long as you use the poem. I'm just worried there's going to be specific stuff--about a specific poet or time in literary history. Something like that I'm screwed. I guess we'll see though. If I pass this class I'll think about keeping the Creative writing minor, but if I don't , there's no way I'm retaking it at Central. That's an easy way to make up my mind.

Took another walk. It's easy to think when you're walking. It was rather windy today though.

I've been up since 8:43 because the test was at 9:30. I was determined not to just come back and go to sleep again, and I didn't. I was actually really productive. I've reorganized my room and did all my dishes and drank lots of coffee. I've read through my notes and feel like it's all a big review with is a good sign. I'll do more before I do go to sleep. I was just chilling in here when Madison knocks on y door. She's moving into Nate's old room. I helped her and Katie--another American from St. Mary's--move Madison's stuff in. Then we made dinner together. It was just pasta, but I had all this minced pork that I needed to use so I made meat sauce. Apparently that's fancy. And right now Madison is making a cake. Excellent. Downside: neither of them like Lord of the Rings. It's a shame.

There are super cheap tickets with Aer Lingus right now. Like 20 Euro one-way to London. The sale ends on Thursday. I'm debating whether or not to spend the last hundred bucks in my account on airline tickets. I usually try to find hostels first...but it's London. They probably have a million. The sale is for anywhere Aer Lingus flies, so I have to see if it's cheaper to go to France with them or Ryanair this time. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go. I can't let this train pass go to waste like that right?

I'm really tired. I think I'll sleep well tonight.

I won't rot

Today was a good day. I got Lisa and Laura's package! A bunch of new additions to my postcard/picture wall--I should have been expecting something Baby Shrek, but you caught me by surprise, so fair played to you. I'll definitely have to stare at the "suicide stick" for while before I can psych myself out enough to try it. And a new journal! Perfect timing--I'm going to need a new one pretty soon. Thank you so much! I love you guys. It was just what I needed right now. Tia Lisa has really pretty handwriting by the way.

I walked down to south campus to get out of the cave of my room. It was pretty nice today--no rain, not very cold, and there are people here again so that's comforting. You could hear someone playing the organ in St. Pat's. I still haven't been in there. I didn't even know there was an organ in there. I had to come back and at least think about studying a bit. It's going to be a really quick exam tomorrow--one hour writing one essay. I'll be happy when it's over. For a few minutes away, then it'll be due time to start freaking out and cramming for Poetry.

I started another book today. Ladder of Years by Anne Tyler. I've this one and then one other novel from the last twenty years, and then I guess I'll be back to the classics. Shouldn't be long.

38

I finished Room today. It's by Emma Donoghue. It's pretty weird. Not really worth all the hype I don't think.

My next test is on Tuesday. Modernism. One hour. One essay. Don't know how to study. Might just not and see how it goes. Rather use the time for poetry.

Definitely need to check my mail tomorrow.

When I lose my head I lose my spine.

One down, three to go. Exams here are scary. It's like taking an AP test. You go into the exam hall (which was a gym for me today), you have assigned seating, you teacher is nowhere to be found, there are proctors but they aren't called proctors here, you get reminders of time, and you aren't allowed to bring much of anything into the room with you. When you walk in there are like ten people staring at you seeing what kind of things you're bringing into the hall--I was told that I had to put my jacket in the cloakroom upstairs. It was hot in there anyway. It's different though because the examiners walk around the whole freaking time. There is always someone walking past you and looking at you to make sure you aren't somehow cheating. It's really distracting actually.

Definitely out of practice writing essays. Only two and a half pages each essay. Not looking good. And you know, this first exam was the one I actually need to pass. Ugh. It's over now though. Can't think about it anymore.

I got carded at the store a little while ago and I didn't have my student card. I don't think I can use my student card anyway though. I don't know if it has my birthday on it. I'd never been carded at Dunnes before though. It was weird. I guess I don't even look 18 today. It's probably because of my backpack. I decided to just take Paco as my grocery bags cause all my other ones are falling apart. College kids don't really use backpacks here. Instead of beer, I'm drinking hot whiskey tonight.

It's actually hot in my room right now. I'd much rather be hot than cold though. I'm not complaining.

Plant your hope with good seeds

It's been really hard for me to focus today. Took me two hours to read 9 pages in a textbook.

My first exam is tomorrow at 12:30. I think it'll be fine. I'm not really worried about what I know or don't know. I'm a little worried about procedure though. I don't know what to expect when I get there. I know you have assigned seats. That's about it. Bring your own writing instruments and don't get there late and you can't leave until at least an hour has passed. This one is two hours. It's Film. We basically have to write two essays. I haven't written an "in-class" essay since high school. I'm a little out of practice. It's really not the same though because I already know what I'm going to have to write about. I'm psyching myself out. I've been doing that a lot lately. Need to chill out.

The only exam I can't really talk myself out of being anxious about is Poetry. She didn't say anything about the exam at all. So, all I can really do is go through my notes and try to remember everything. I guess that's usually how it goes though right?

We don't get our exam scores until they are sent to our permanent addresses in July. I think that is crazy. Especially for international students because it's a totally different system and you might feel like you did alright but in reality you really need to work harder, and you won't know.

Ah so Louise just came in and whenever Louise comes into a room we end up talking for like an hour. She's hilarious. But anyway, our deposit for the apartment is like a real deposit for a real apartment kind of. I guess they see how much electricity and heat we've been using and if we've used less than we paid for in our deposit, we get money back. That's awesome. They don't do that for Studville. Earlier today I was getting irritated because everything I wanted to use in the kitchen was switched off. There are little switches next to all the outlets so that you can turn the outlet off instead of actually unplugging things. That makes more sense now though. I'll start doing that.

It'll be good to get out of here tomorrow. Even though I'm just going from sitting in a room to sitting in a big room for a few hours. Hopefully someone comes to fix my light while I'm gone.

I have done wrong, so build your tower

I hope I never meet Susan in person. Not that I would be rude to her or ghetto or something like that, but what if she's nice? Then I'll feel bad for bitching her out and sometimes it's just nice to have someone to hate a bit. Anyway, it's all going to be fine. But apparently I paid the wrong people. I paid the "fees and grants office" instead of the of the "residence office." I don't understand this place. It's like there's no central database. There isn't one grand, all-knowing program or account or file or list even that has everyone's information on it. Everything is fragmented and you have to keep track of who knows what about you. I mean I'm living in an on-campus apartment. Shouldn't rent on campus be a campus fee? I feel like they should be connected in the system somewhere. We have the technology...they don't use it apparently.

I watched Crazy Stupid Love. It's cute. I laughed a bit.

I read some. Drew a bit.

That's been today! Now I'll do my nighttime studying.

Plagues my soul

Susan at the Residence Office is getting bitchy. I'm sorry to be a pain in the ass, Susan, but c'mon. "I await your response"? What else are you doing but answering emails all day? And have I failed to respond to you yet? Unnecessary.
The problem is paying for things here with my American card. That's why we're supposed to open Irish accounts--because for these things to get processed it takes a few days. And Susan is flipping out because I'm telling her I did it, but it's not showing up on whatever screen she's looking. And now I'm telling her that on my screen it's saying "payment successful" big as shit right in the middle of the screen, and I'm telling her that the payment is being authorized since it was done online and I didn't use my pin number because you don't do that when you pay online, and I'm telling her to calm the fuck down and just keep "awaiting" because I'm watching a movie.

I seem to have forgotten about movies. Also the fact that the internet houses movies for free. Last night I watched 50 50. I really like it. I may have cried a little. I just got done watching Harry Potter. It was alright. I don't know if it was the fact that the player crashed half an hour in or that the last hour was a little choppy or that the last ten minutes are just stupid, but it was just okay for me. I'll give it another go with a real DVD player sometime. Preferably in Matt Wilson's cinema.

Aoife is back. OH! There's a grocery cart in our hallway closet. That was so weird. I'm going to take a picture of it...
What the heck?? I forgot about it yesterday, but it was here two days ago. That means that it has to be Louise's. Who just has a grocery cart? They had to steal it. I want one.

But yeah. Aoife is back. She brought a ton of food with her. It's crazy. My bagels are being squashed in the "bread press." That's the most useless thing I've seen in a kitchen. It's just a box to put bread in. It's supposed to keep bread from going off. How? Is the air different in there? Light damage? I don't get it. I still put bread in it though.

So, I have something new to be paranoid about. Now I'm worried that the maintenance guy is going to come knocking on my door in the morning while I'm still asleep. My room is sufficiently clean. Clean enough. I decided I don't care that much. You know, maybe I don't care at all. So what if he comes at 11 (or noon) and I'm still in pajamas and half asleep cause I haven't drowned in tea yet. I'll probably never see him again. Unless he's the same one that's going to come and check all of our fire alarms next month. But even then. I will decide not to care about that either. I just don't like being judged.

I started a new book. It's called "Room." It's by an Irish author who lives in Canada. It's set in the US. Kind of. It's set in a room, so it could be anywhere really. But yeah I don't know. It's gotten rave reviews over here. I saw it on a few websites and it's in all the bookstore windows, so why not.

If I were at home I would be starting new classes today. Probably be sitting in some Ed class with Brian right now. Kind of wishing that were the case...

I'm going to have to get a bit more realistic in the places I want to go. Prague is doable. Instanbul...maybe not. Edinburgh, London, Copenhagen, Vienna are doable. Paris...do I really want to again? You know, France has never been that alluring to me. I don't know what it is. I like wine. I love cheese. I like massive paintings and love ginormous churches. (Did you know that ginormous is a real word now?) But I don't know...it's kind of at the bottom of the list for me.

Okay...my heater works...but no one has been here. Well. No one has been in my room. There were guys that came in vans here for like three hours today and someone was coming in and out of the apartment but I just hide in my room and don't know what goes on in the hallway most of the time. And Aoife just told me that all the heaters are powered by water or something like that. So maybe they didn't come in here to fix it. I'm just hoping I'm not crazy and it's worked the whole time. But that can't be. I haven't messed with the little nob thing for a few days...I guess I won't look into too much though. It's works. Yay.

Winter winds

It's so windy. Just a constant roar outside my window. And it's "pissing rain" too. That's another great Irish phrase for ye. It looks really cool from the kitchen windows though.

I went down and made my maintenance requests. The woman down there who is usually a bitch was actually really nice. She smiled and said "good day" and the whole polite thing you're supposed to do. But anyways yeah, my problems are in her book now, so sometime soon--probably in the next few days--all will be well.

The rent situation is a little less chill. I didn't think I could pay anything online so I didn't try. But then I decided to try this morning since nobody answered my email and I was feeling lazy, and it said it worked. The thing that's weird though is that you don't really get to choose what you pay. There isn't a list of charges that you owe. You just go to the "student web services" section of the website and then enter how much money you want to pay and it goes to your outstanding fees. That's fine for me because the only outstanding fees I have are rent. But still. Susan at the Residence Office emailed me back and said that what I entered I wanted to pay hadn't gone through yet. I think that's okay though. It said it was successful and my bank says that it's waiting to go through, so it should be fine. This is just one of those things that I'd like to not have to wait for.

Financial aid is disbursed on Saturday so then it should be in my account next week sometime. That's good because I can't pay next semester's rent until that comes in. I also can't buy much of anything until then now...but after that I'll be square and not owe this damn school anything else and I won't have to worry about it anymore. I can blow it all doing fun things. No, I'm not going to blow anything doing anything. I'm going to be budget conscious this term. I'd like to have something left over for next year. I need to, I mean.

Also need some monies to get home with. It's not going to be a problem though. I'm turning into Madre: worrying too much.

I kind of hate winter right now. It's not light until 9 (not that I'm awake to notice) and it's dark by 5. There's no snow here right now. That would even make it better I think. Then it would be bright outside all day. Not dreary.


I want this one too.
Someday I'll save up and buy a real one. They're really expensive! But so cool.

Slump

DONE! With this book that is. I feel better. It got a little weird at the end. I think that's another "Modernist" thing--you only make so much sense anyway and then the last few chapters you really say fuck it, I'm not going explain anything. Not even who's speaking or who they're speaking about...or whether they're speaking at all. The exam for this class isn't until next Tuesday. But I felt like I couldn't concentrate on Film (exam Saturday) until I finished this. So, now I can see if that's true or not.

The offices on campus open again tomorrow. Good news.

Right now I'm sitting in the kitchen because I'm making lemon bars and I don't trust the oven to do what it's supposed to do. The light above the table is constantly blinking. It's like a corny movie where the interrogation room light is swinging distractingly.

I started cleaning today. It was a little unfortunate. I had all my books on my windowsill. My window collects some serious condensation though, so some of the pages got damp and now some of them look like accordions. That's okay though. All that water on the window falls into this crack between the sill and the window though, and when you don't clean that in 3 months it's gross. I didn't want to open my window, but I had to 'cause my little room just had that old damp moldy smell for a bit. Now my candle is making everything smell like soap again.

Oh man. Just had a heart attack. I'm in my room now sitting on my bed and my smoke alarm beeped. And then like three seconds later it beeped again. My alarm and Louise's alarm were bot doing it. They stopped after maybe 20 seconds, but we don't know what happened. She said that maybe it was because she just took a shower and the detectors are right outside the bathrooms so maybe the steam set it off. They aren't set off by smoke apparently. It's heat that'll get you. That's weird to me. I feel like it would take a little while for something to burn long enough to get hot enough to set it off.

Tomorrow I have four things to complain about: heater, bathroom light, kitchen light, fridge. I don't know about the fridge though. I might let Aoife take that one.

Come out of your cave walking on your hands

Happy January. It was mostly sunny today. Right when I convinced myself to go outside and breath some fresh air it started raining. So then half an hour later it stopped and I went to the store. Real exciting day.

Oh this morning I made porridge. There's something Irish for ye. It's like soupy oatmeal or more textured Cream of wheat with even less flavor. I just dumped cinnamon and sugar in it and then it was edible.

I need to drink more water.

130 pages left of this book. 45 pages left on this chapter. My mission is just to get past these 45 pages tonight.

I hope they air the Grammys here.

I want this dog.