Adios 2011/Wretched Man

The things I don't want to do, I just keep doing.
The things I want to do, I can't do.

So I've been bored out of my mind the last two days. Too bored to be productive even. It's kind of weird how when you really have nothing to do, that's when you can't do what you really need to do. And when I start to think about exams I get a little anxious and tense so I stop thinking about it and do pointless things like watch Archer for the fifth time, or Mitch Hedberg for the tenth, or I rearrange all the stuff on my desk and tell myself it's more organized. That was yesterday anyway. Today has been slightly better. I've made some serious headway in this damn book. Like 80 pages or so. It's just so dense. It's not even that I don't like it--it's really interesting and all that, but it's a meta-text. Meta-something at any rate. That's what our teacher said. I thought that meant that it's a text about text. Like a novel about novel writing. That's not what this is. There is a plot and made up characters and weirdness. But apparently Faulkner was more interested in how this thing was put together than in the story itself. But that doesn't make sense to me either. The plot is so intertwined and weird and there are so many different things going on--racism, the Old South, fear of incest because you don't know who you're related to, pride, blah blah blah--why is anyone going to care how it's all put together? How is anyone going to even notice how it's put together. They are just going to think you are a convoluted and long-winded ass.

I guess I'm supposed to be optimistic right now right? The new year! Fare thee well 2011. It was a good year. A really good year actually. Lots of fun. Did some cool stuff. And I'm doing more cool stuff next year. Starting probably at the end January. I have two weeks after my last exam until lectures begin again on the 30th. I plan on having all my shit figured out by then too--signed up for all the right classes, pay my rent, make sure everyone knows that I'm going to be here another semester. I've gotten two emails from the school asking me to confirm that I'm only here for the first semester. That's making me really worried. They better not have given my room to someone or something stupid like that. Nothing is efficient here. Anyways, I have four more days on my Eurail pass (and four more after that if I can get away with using Adrianna's), but can only use it in Germany, Switzerland, and France. France is a big place. Versailles would be cool. I don't know. I'm not in the decision making mood.Louise is back now. At least she was earlier. Tony has been here too, and now they're both gone. People are starting to come back though--I can hear the obnoxious laughing outside my window and random stomping down the stairs. It's nice actually. I'm done with the quiet. It wasn't peaceful at all.
I really haven't thought about resolutions much this year. There's the generic "don't be fat" and "be nicer to people", but I think if I were more specific I'd be more likely to change. Something like "at least know where the gym is" or "buy some sweatpants cause I know it's too cold for me to go anywhere in these shorts" or "stop buying junk food." The junk food thing is weird anyway. I don't eat bad at home. I don't eat chips or cookies or fast food all that often, but I have been here and then I just tell myself that it's something different and "Irish" so it's okay. Not true. Crisps are just chips and chips are just fries and digestives are just cookies. Rashers is just ham (it's nothing like bacon). Irish food is like carb overload. All easy food is carb overload. Pasta and rice. And when I'm lazy it's JUST pasta and rice. My carrots rotted. Fucking Nate left carrots here from when they got delivered to him from Thanksgiving and then they got covered with bags of potatoes and I unearthed them today cause I had fried potatoes (carb overload) and eggs for breakfast and they are like a blackish grayish blob. Sick. I don't want to move it until I'm going to take the garbage out because I don't want to disturb it yet cause you know it's going to be rank. Moral of the story: Madre, could you please make me one of your monster salads when I get back? But anyway. Resolutions. Maybe I should just stick to one. I try to have too many that way I have better odds. The better your odds the worse it is when you fail though. So I guess I'll just say fuck being nicer to people, I'm going to try and disappear a little bit. (Don't remember taking that-->)

It's so cold in here. I could deal with the snowy coldness cause snow means it's supposed to be cold. But in my room?? I've been wearing socks to sleep. I HATE wearing socks to sleep. Nobody better tell me to tell the Residence Office about this either. I know. I will when they're open again on Tuesday. Also, my bathroom light went out and it's not just a normal bulb that I can replace myself. So. I really have to clean up my room. I have too much stuff. I don't know how this happened. I didn't come over with that much I didn't think. Things are going to have to go back in my suitcases I think. Save room. There's lots of stuff I don't use. I think I'm going to be leaving a lot of things here when I go home. Like my down comforter. This one is old and not particularly fluffy anymore. I'll buy another one. Also the pan I bought--the handle is jiggling. I'm keeping the spatula though. It's nice.

(Uncle Alfred's a ghost.)

Oh here's a resolution for you: Practice. That may be expecting too much. I'll start with "Open my case" for a week, then move on to holding the mouthpiece. I was doing alright for about a week before I left. It'll be okay. That's as optimistic as I can get right now.

So, if this is the last New Years we all see I'm going to be disgruntled. I hope you all have good ones! Have one for me Grandma. Drive safely. Dying is against the rules.